Stop Hiring Agreeable People for Customer Service: How Personality Trumps Niceness Every Time
I’ll share something that will most likely upset every HR manager who encounters this: selecting people for customer service based on how “nice” they come across in an assessment is part of the biggest mistakes you can do.
Agreeable gets you minimal results when someone is yelling at you about a problem that is not your responsibility, requiring solutions that cannot exist, and stating to destroy your business on social media.
The thing that is effective in those situations is toughness, controlled boundary-setting, and the capacity to stay concentrated on results rather than feelings.
We learned this reality the difficult way while working with a major shopping business in Melbourne. Their selection procedure was completely centered on selecting “service-minded” people who were “naturally nice” and “thrived on helping people.”
Seems logical, yes?
This result: astronomical turnover, constant absence, and client experience that was constantly average.
When I investigated what was occurring, I discovered that their “pleasant” employees were being completely destroyed by challenging customers.
These staff had been selected for their natural empathy and need to please others, but they had absolutely no training or inherent protection against internalizing every client’s bad energy.
Even worse, their natural desire to accommodate people meant they were continuously committing to expectations they had no power to meet, which created even greater angry customers and additional stress for themselves.
We watched truly caring people leave within weeks because they struggled to manage the psychological strain of the work.
Meanwhile, the few people who performed well in difficult client relations roles had totally different personalities.
They did not seem particularly “nice” in the typical sense. Instead, they were resilient, secure, and fine with establishing limits. They truly desired to assist customers, but they also had the strength to state “no” when appropriate.
Such employees could recognize a person’s anger without taking it as their fault. They were able to remain calm when people got abusive. They managed to focus on discovering realistic outcomes rather than getting trapped in dramatic arguments.
Such characteristics had nothing to do with being “nice” and much to do with psychological intelligence, personal confidence, and coping ability.
I completely redesigned their recruitment procedure. Instead of looking for “agreeable” candidates, we commenced assessing for resilience, analytical capacity, and confidence with boundary-setting.
In evaluations, we offered people with realistic customer service scenarios: frustrated customers, unreasonable demands, and circumstances where there was zero perfect resolution.
Rather than inquiring how they would ensure the client happy, we inquired how they would handle the encounter appropriately while protecting their own emotional stability and upholding organizational guidelines.
This candidates who did excellently in these assessments were seldom the ones who had originally appeared most “pleasant.”
Alternatively, they were the ones who demonstrated clear reasoning under pressure, confidence with saying “I can’t do that” when necessary, and the ability to differentiate their personal reactions from the person’s psychological situation.
Six months after implementing this new recruitment approach, staff turnover fell by more than three-fifths. Client experience rose substantially, but more notably, happiness particularly among difficult service situations got better dramatically.
Here’s why this approach works: client relations is essentially about solution-finding under stress, not about being continuously liked.
People who reach customer service are generally already annoyed. They have a concern they are unable to fix themselves, they’ve often beforehand tried multiple methods, and they need skilled support, not shallow agreeableness.
That which frustrated customers genuinely want is a person who:
Acknowledges their problem quickly and precisely
Demonstrates real skill in understanding and addressing their issue
Provides straightforward information about what might and will not be achieved
Takes suitable measures quickly and continues through on promises
Maintains calm composure even when the person becomes upset
Observe that “being nice” isn’t feature anywhere on that collection.
Competence, professionalism, and consistency count significantly more than agreeableness.
Actually, too much pleasantness can actually work against you in client relations situations. When clients are really upset about a significant issue, overly cheerful or bubbly reactions can come across as inappropriate, fake, or out of touch.
We consulted with a investment services company where customer service staff had been trained to always maintain “positive attitude” regardless of the person’s emotional state.
Such an method was effective reasonably well for standard questions, but it was entirely wrong for major issues.
When clients called because they’d been denied large amounts of money due to system errors, or because they were dealing with economic hardship and desperately wanted to discuss payment options, inappropriately cheerful responses came across as callous and inappropriate.
We retrained their people to adapt their interpersonal style to the importance of the customer’s situation. Major problems needed appropriate, professional responses, not forced upbeat energy.
Client experience got better instantly, particularly for serious situations. Clients felt that their problems were being handled with proper attention and that the staff assisting them were skilled professionals rather than just “cheerful” employees.
That takes me to a different important factor: the gap between compassion and emotional absorption.
Skilled support people must have compassion – the ability to understand and acknowledge someone else’s people’s emotional states and perspectives.
But they definitely do never need to absorb those emotions as their own.
Emotional absorption is what takes place when support representatives begin feeling the same anger, worry, or desperation that their clients are feeling.
Such emotional absorption is incredibly exhausting and contributes to burnout, decreased effectiveness, and high employee departures.
Professional understanding, on the other hand, allows staff to understand and react to customers’ interpersonal requirements without taking responsibility for resolving the customer’s psychological state.
This separation is crucial for maintaining both job competence and mental wellbeing.
So, what should you look for when recruiting client relations staff?
Initially, mental competence and strength. Look for candidates who can remain composed under stress, who don’t make person frustration as their fault, and who can distinguish their own emotions from other individual’s mental situations.
Next, problem-solving capacity. Client relations is fundamentally about identifying issues and finding workable resolutions. Screen for candidates who tackle challenges methodically and who can think effectively even when dealing with emotional individuals.
Furthermore, ease with boundary-setting. Search for candidates who can say “no” appropriately but definitively when appropriate, and who recognize the distinction between being helpful and being manipulated.
Additionally, genuine interest in problem-solving rather than just “pleasing people.” The best customer service staff are driven by the intellectual satisfaction of solving complex issues, not just by a need to be appreciated.
Lastly, professional confidence and inner strength. Client relations staff who value themselves and their job knowledge are much more effective at keeping appropriate relationships with people and providing dependably professional service.
Keep in mind: you’re not recruiting candidates to be professional friends or emotional therapy workers. You’re hiring competent service providers who can deliver excellent service while protecting their own mental health and maintaining appropriate standards.
Select for effectiveness, strength, and work quality. Agreeableness is optional. Service excellence is essential.
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